One Egg Shy

The musings of Chris. Writer, humanitarian, hero.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Dear Mr. Mayer

Dear John Mayer,
Listen. This has to stop.

It isn’t like you’re a bad guy. It isn’t that your music completely sucks. I actually kind of like your weird voice and think you seem like an amusing guy.

But please—for the love of all that is sacred— please stop having your music played in my restaurant.

I just can’t deal with it. I can’t deal with “Your Body is a Wonderland” every five minutes. Jesus Christ, John, I know my body is a FUCKING WONDERLAND.

I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.

When I first heard the song a bunch of years ago, I actually liked it. I knew the lyrics were cheesy and aimed at sleeping with girls. I knew the chord progression was predictable and that the song was made to appeal to the radio, but it still had a nice little groove to it.

But please John, enough. ENOUGH. I can’t listen to your songs 10 times a day. I just can’t. I need variety. I need flavor. I need something other than you crooning over and over again about the wonderment of my body.

It’s nice that you’ve noticed how I’ve been working out. I’m flattered. But it’s gotten to be embarrassing at the job. How can I wait on tables when you keep talking about how luxurious my body is?

So please John. Knock it off. For me, for everyone.


  • At 2:47 AM, Anonymous Rox said…

    Yes, John - do it for everyone! It's your duty, your responsibility to every restaurant goer on the plant.

  • At 7:38 AM, Blogger Craig said…

    when i worked at the hotel i heard the crappy elevator music version of that great R&B hit "Don't go chasing waterfalls" about 6 times a day. Lisa "Left-eye" Lopez, i miss you so much.


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