One Egg Shy

The musings of Chris. Writer, humanitarian, hero.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Love is in the air

Take a deep breath. Smell that? Spring is in the air. It’s more than that tree that smells like a vagina. It’s a sense of life taking over, of romance, of exercise and sunshine.

Spring often brings with it the promise of new love. People emerge from their cold winter caves white and pudgy, as bears emerging from hibernation. They meet, they dance, they share a newly bloomed flower, and the courtship ensues.

The best thing about new relationships is the chance to start over. You have a clean slate. Gone is the time you tried to sleep with your ex’s sister. Gone is the time your ex called you the wrong name by accident. Gone, hopefully, are your STDs (if the cream works correctly, that is).

Your old, tired stories become fresh again. Your strange quirks seem intriguing and endearing, instead of incredibly annoying. You’re able to share all of your favorite movies, songs, storage areas for kidnaped children, and sexual positions (like the underwater jackhammer or the oscillating beetle) with someone who will find them fresh and exciting. You get the chance to explain your strange hobbies like toenail collecting and condom-wrapper origami to a captive audience. You can reinvent yourself.

But careful my friend. Careful. Come summer you could begin to wear thin. Your quirks may first become infuriating nuisances and then intolerable annoyances. Your sexual positions, once so exciting and wonderful, may seem dry, boring. Your hobbies may induce yawns, and your STDs could flair up (no thanks to you, Herpiecillian).

But hey, summer is far away. Don’t forego planting flowers because they may eventually wilt in the summer sun or freeze in the harsh winter. Enjoy that shit while you have it. Oh, and please send me to a website that teaches some of those sexual positions you know. The oscillating beetle sounds freaking awesome.


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