One Egg Shy

The musings of Chris. Writer, humanitarian, hero.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Snow Day

So the snow that hit Saturday night into Sunday had me at home watching a good amount of television. One of the main programs this weekend was, of course, the Olympics. I watched some women’s hockey.

I’m not a huge hockey fan. I think the diehards are a little intense for me, and I referred to what is now commonly known as the mullet as “hockey hair” for years. I will, on occasion, sit down and watch a hockey game. I like the speed, the violence and the amazing control some of the players have with both their sticks and their bodies. Speed, violence and control: all three of these things are lacking in women’s hockey.

I probably tuned in at the wrong time, as well. I turned on a match between Canada, a perennial hockey powerhouse and Italy, a country not traditional lauded for their ice skating abilities. The score when I turned it on was 8-0 in favor of, you guessed it, Canada. I continued to watch this train wreck as Canada scored goal after goal. The final score was 16-0.

Other than my obligatory (yet genuine) affinity for the ol’ US of A, I always pull for Italy in national competitions. My mother was born there and came first to Canada (she doesn’t play hockey, unfortunately) and then to the United States, so I feel a sense of national pride when my olive skinned country mates engage in sporting events. When it’s soccer, it’s great. When it’s women’s ice hockey, not so much.

It hurt me to see my motherland’s representatives so thoroughly humiliated on the ice. The Canadian ladies passed, shot, and twirled (okay, there wasn’t much twirling) with great ease while the Italians huffed and puffed, waiting for their shifts to end so they could have some espresso and warm up on the bench. But even the Canadian women, who were clearly light years ahead of the Italian women in terms of hockey prowess, weren’t that impressive. They were slow, they shied from physical contact, and their shots literally trickled along the ice and through the legs of the Italian goalie, who was thinking of the wine she’d drink after she was done wasting time on the ice.

Now, if I was the Italian coach, I probably would have told my girls to start representing their country a little better. I would have allowed them to start checking the Canadians at 8-0, and to use their sticks as weapons once they faced a 13 goal deficit. But I’m old school, and the Olympics are supposed to be about great feats of athleticism contrasted with horrible, life-altering failures, not unadulterated violence. Still though, some bloody Canadian mouths would have taught a simple yet valuable lesson, I feel.

Oh well, at least the Italian women’s curling team is supposed to be pretty stacked this year.


  • At 11:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Men, I suppose, are just better athletes because of our testies... That is, unless you consider cleaning a sport. For example, my girlfriend whoops my ass in a little sport we lik eto call "dusting the carpet." However, that's only because she a closet lesbian.

    Which reminds me... There's nothing hotter than a chick who can crush your nads with two fingers. Expecially if she has breast implants!

    click here:

  • At 7:33 PM, Anonymous Dobbler said…

    The Canucks were actually going easy on the Italians. Really! They said later that they felt awful slaughtering them, but had to run up the score in order to secure a good place in the pool for the next stage in the play-offs (or some such crap. Personally, I hate hockey.)


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